Ratlike Qualities
by ashekalypso
Summary: One-shot, complete. Remus and Peter discuss Peter's similarities to his animagus form. No Peter bashing here though, sorry. R rating to be safe, but it's a light R, really. SLASH (RLPP) - If guys who like guys squick you, please pass this one by!


Peter Pettigrew ran up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, fighting to keep tears out of his eyes until he was safe on his bed with the curtains drawn around him. He was quite proud of the exit he'd just made from James and Sirius. He'd calmly told them that he had studying to do, and turned away without a watery eye or a wobbly chin. Sirius would never know how much his remark had hurt his so-called friend, and that was good because if they saw him crying over a silly insult, they'd never let him live it down. As he neared the dorm, he prayed that the room was empty and that he could just slip under the covers and just let it all out. Unfortunately, this wasn't going to be the case, for upon opening the door, he saw Remus Lupin seated at the desk in the corner of the room, his head bent over a piece of parchment. He looked up and smiled at Peter, who attempted a wave and a smile in return, but his emotions betrayed him, causing his eyes to water and chin to quiver. Horrified, Peter made a dash for his bed and drew the curtains tight. _Wonderful_, he thought, _Now your best friend knows how much of a baby you are._ He leaned back against the headboard and hugged his legs close to his chest. He was shaking uncontrollably now, sobbing as quietly as he could, with only a small squeak escaping his throat every so often as he cried. _Fine behaviour for a fifth year, he thought bitterly. Perhaps you should go and stay with the ickle first years, that's where you belong._ He sighed and laid his head in his hands, his tears drying up as quickly as they had started. He wiped his eyes and rocked back and forth when a voice interrupted his pity party for one.

"Peter? What's the matter?" It was the soft gentle voice of Remus Lupin, who sounded as if he were standing right outside Peter's bed. Peter was quiet, not trusting his own voice to answer. "Peter?" Remus said again, and his hand appeared on the other side of the curtain, pulling it back to reveal his friend's face.

Peter turned his head away, trying to hide his puffy red eyes. "Nothing," he whispered, knowing that wouldn't be a good enough answer for Remus. Sure enough, Peter felt the werewolf climb onto the bed, and then felt a hand on his arm. "Come on, you can tell me. I happen to have experience in keeping secrets, you know." Peter smiled at this and then turned his eyes to meet Remus'. His friend sat patiently watching him, waiting for him to speak.

So Peter spoke. "It's rather silly," he started, eyes dropping down to examine his fingernails. He paused for a moment, and then looked back up at Remus, who was still watching him attentively. In the back of his mind, Peter realized that for once he had someone's undivided attention. He decided that he enjoyed it, and continued. "I just wish that I didn't have to be a rat." He felt the hot tears coming up in his eyes again as he remembered what Sirius had said on the subject, and fought them away, shutting his eyes tight. "Why can't I be something noble like Prongs or powerful like Padfoot?" He opened his eyes and looked at Remus again. "Why do I have to be a dirty, mangy, greasy old rat?" He spat out each of the adjectives like venom.

Remus squeezed Peter's arm and replied, "Well, if it weren't for you being small enough to run through the Willow's branches, none of the others would be able to get into the Shrieking Shack."

Unfortunately, this wasn't a good enough answer for Peter. "But why does it have to be ME?" he protested.

"Because a person's animagus form is that of the animal that best represents them," was Remus' patient explanation. This only made matters worse.

"So not only am I a rat in animal form, but I've also got the characteristics of a rat?" Peter asked bitterly. "Thanks so much." He turned his head away from Remus again, suddenly tired of the werewolf's attention.

"Rats are actually very sociable creatures," Remus replied. Peter didn't answer, so he continued, "They care for one another, they're curious and playful, and they're very clean, despite the negative stereotype." He paused and then said hesitantly, "And I think they're very cute."

Peter lifted his head again and stared at his friend. "Really?" he asked. Remus nodded. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but couldn't find the words, so they just sat like that for a few moments. Suddenly, Peter noticed Remus' hand was still on his arm. Remus must have noticed too, because he pulled it away with a nervous laugh. His friend's cheeks began to turn red, and Peter wondered why Remus would be blushing in his presence, of all people. He was just about to ask Remus how he knew so much about rats when Remus posed possibly the strangest question to him.

"Hey Peter," he asked hesitantly, "You um...you ever hear about guys who, um...you know...don't like girls?" Remus kept his focus on Peter's bedsheets as he said this. "Guys who like guys instead of girls?"

Peter frowned. "Yeah..." he replied. "Um, yeah, I've heard of them. Hobo-sexuals, I think they're called?"

Remus laughed nervously, a little too loud. He shook his head. "Homosexuals, they're called homosexuals." Remus glanced quickly up at Peter and then turned his gaze to his fingers. "What do you think of them?" he asked in a forcedly offhanded tone.

Now Peter knew he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but he was pretty sure he knew what Remus was getting at. Peter's eyebrows rose in surprise. _Was Remus one of those...homosexuals?_ he thought. _Was that why he was blushing so much? But why would he blush around me? Unless..._ The possibility that Remus might have a crush on him hit Peter like a speeding bludger, but he pushed it away. _Nah,_ he thought, shaking the idea from his head, _Why would anyone like me when there's James or Sirius around?_ He decided to play it safe and not jump to conclusions.

"Well," Peter began, "I um...I suppose they're ok. I mean, I don't know any, do I?"

"You don't think it's gross?" Remus asked, ignoring Peter's question. He was looking very intently at Peter now, his face having gone from bright red to pale white in a matter of seconds. His eyebrows were pushed together in anticipation of Peter's answer, and he was chewing his bottom lip ever so slightly.

"No!" Peter answered quickly. "Why would I?"

Remus' face broke into a smile. "I don't know," he replied, shaking his head. He looked back down at Peter's bedcovers again, as a piece of light brown hair fell from behind his ear. They were silent for another few minutes until Peter reached out and placed his small, stubby hand on top of Remus' thin, fine one.

"Remus...are you...?" The werewolf smiled slightly and nodded, his eyes avoiding Peter's. Peter laughed a sympathetic laugh and squeezed his friend's hand. "You could have just told me, you know," he chided. "I have experience in keeping secrets, too." He added, "Your secrets, in fact."

Remus laughed in relief, his eyes meeting Peter's. "Thanks," he said. He laid his other hand on top of Peter's, squeezing gently. Peter's heart quickened. "Do you mind if I tell you something else?" Remus asked. Peter shook his head. Remus took a deep breath and said, "I..." He sighed, and started again. "I...like you, Peter. As more than just a friend." His thumb was caressing the top of Peter's wrist now, and Peter tried to answer, but he was transfixed by the sensation and Remus' words. He just stared at his friend with a shocked expression.

Apparently, Remus took this as an expression of horror, because he dropped Peter's hand and pressed his fingertips to his temples. "Oh God, I'm sorry," he apologized, clenching his eyes tight. "Forget I said anything." He turned to get up off the bed when Peter grabbed his arm.

"No!" he exclaimed, pulling Remus back down next to him. "It's ok, I don't care! No, I mean, I DO care, but it doesn't bother me. I mean, er...I like you too," Peter stammered, panting. Remus' eyes widened in surprise and his mouth parted slightly.

"You do?" he asked in disbelief.

"Well, yeah, I guess so," Peter said shyly. He felt his own cheeks grow hot. "I never really thought about it until today, but you are sort of cute. And you're always kind to everyone, and you're smart and funny and caring, and..." Peter trailed off, not really sure what to say next as realization sunk in. He had a crush on his best friend. Who was a bloke. A bloke who was also a werewolf. Oh, wouldn't his parents be proud? Fortunately none of his kin mattered much at the moment as he studied his friend's blue-gray eyes, long, slender nose, and full lips that looked incredibly warm and soft. Peter was overcome with an urge to find out just how warm and soft they were, and he impulsively reached out his hand and brushed his fingers against the side of his friend's face, trailing his thumb across those lips, which were indeed very soft and kissable. Remus took Peter's hand in his own and began planting kisses in his palm, causing Peter to whimper in delight.

Feeling more sure of himself now, Remus moved up to sit next to Peter, draping an arm around his friend's body. He nuzzled against Peter's soft neck and began placing kisses there, his lips trailing slowly up Peter's jawline until their mouths were an inch away from meeting. He stopped suddenly, pulling his head back and running a hand through Peter's hair. "I've wanted to do this for months," he explained. "I want it to be perfect."

"It will be," Peter assured, "Just don't stop..." He reached up and pulled Remus' head back towards his, but the werewolf laughed and pulled away again.

"Patience, love," he said, and brought his mouth down to Peter's ear, his tongue teasing the tender curve. Peter moaned loudly at this, and threw his head back, banging it rather hard against the headboard. Remus stopped his kisses altogether and looked at Peter with concern. "You ok?" he asked.

"Fine," Peter panted, ignoring the throbbing pain in the back of his head. He looked at Remus pleadingly. "Please just kiss me before James and Sirius come in," he begged.

Remus laughed and kissed Peter's nose. "Ok," he said, "if it's that important to you that we not have an audience..." Remus placed his lips on Peter's and parted them slowly. Peter wasn't quite sure what to do, so he parted his too, taking Remus' upper lip into his mouth. He felt Remus sucking on his lower lip, nibbling gently, and he wondered idly if a werewolf was contagious in his human form. He couldn't remember, but he decided it didn't really matter as Remus' tongue brushed up against his lips and worked its way into his mouth.

Finally the kiss ended and Remus pulled Peter's head against his chest and held him close. Peter closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Remus, listening to the soothing steady beat of the werewolf's heart. "I love you, Peter," Remus said, running his long fingers through Peter's blond hair. Peter felt his eyes moisten at the tender words. How long had it been since he'd heard them? Even his parents, although far from abusive, had never really verbalized their love for their son. There was just one nagging question that wouldn't leave him alone. Why did Remus care for him? What did he see in an unsure, overweight dunderhead like himself? He posed the question to Remus.

Remus laughed and held Peter tighter. "Why do I love you?" he repeated. "Lots of reasons. Let's see...you cared enough to bring chocolate to me while I was in hospital after every full moon, even before you knew I was-er, before you knew what I am." Peter felt a surge of compassion as Remus skirted around the W-word, and nuzzled his chest protectively. Remus continued, "You keep your things in a state of relative tidiness, which is far more than I can say for our other bunkmates." It was true, the floor of the dormitory was usually hidden under James' and Sirius' robes, papers, books...basically everything they owned. "And you were clever enough to figure out the animagus spell, as I've said, without which I would be spending the full moons alone." Remus kissed Peter's forehead and stroked his cheek. "Let's just say I love you for all your ratlike qualities." 


End file.
